


Toi

by evakayaki



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Eliott and Lucas finally talk, Established Relationship, Love, M/M, contains spoilers, gapfiller, resolutions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:34:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24321370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evakayaki/pseuds/evakayaki
Summary: Takes place after 5X06 clip: Luquette and before Eliott's "Toi" Instagram post. Lucas and Eliott finally talk and secrets come to light.
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 9
Kudos: 204





	Toi

“She okay?” 

Lucas’ voice was devoid of any emotion. Eliott had been expecting Lucas to be upset, maybe outright furious like earlier that morning. But not emotionless. And, yeah, maybe allowing Lola to sleep in _their_ bed wasn’t a smart idea, but what else was he supposed to do? She had just gone through something horrible and was coming down from her drug fueled night. Was he supposed to just give her the hard sofa? 

“Yeah,” Eliott set his keys on the table near the door. He’d walked Daphne and Lola out of the building, needing a moment before facing Lucas. 

“You could have called her dad or Daphne last night. She’s not your responsibility,” Lucas continued to sit at their kitchen table, not yet looking at Eliott. 

“Does that matter? She’s my friend. I was helping my friend,” Eliott really didn’t want to argue anymore about this, but at the same time frustration was brewing because why couldn’t Lucas seem to understand that he and Lola were friends. They had a connection. They understood each other. 

Lucas shrugged, finally his eyes met Eliott’s, “Why didn’t you call or text me?”

“Everything happened so fast and...” Eliott shrugged, trailing off. He knew that was a lie. He knew it would start a fight. And he didn’t want to tell Lucas, as bad as that sounds. He had spent so long being Lucas’ boyfriend, sharing the same friends, that he kind of forgot what it was like to have friends that were not inexplicable intertwined with Lucas. And Lola had become _his_ friend. A person he cared about.

“You could’ve texted me and said _oh Lucas, by the way, Lola’s sleeping in our bed_. But you didn’t. You _chose_ not to. You chose to let me come home and find her there,” Lucas stood up. “You chose to break our trust.”

“Break our...You want to know why I didn’t tell you? It’s because I knew you’d react like this!” Eliott’s tone was a harsh. “You’ve been so stressed with school and _your_ friends and being there for Daphne, that you haven’t even noticed I’ve been...” He hadn’t meant to say that. But he was tired. “Never mind.” 

He was struggling, and just like he told Lola, he needed his space. And, of course, he loved Lucas. Lucas was it for him, that fact he knew without a doubt. He’d found his person. But that didn’t mean sometimes he just needed to go out by himself. Experience life by himself. 

Eliott waved his hand dismissively. “I’ll warn you next time I bring a friend home.” He said as diplomatically as he could.  


“I haven’t noticed what?” Lucas asked harshly. 

Eliott closed his eyes and turned away. He hadn’t meant to say that. He hadn’t meant to blow up at Lucas. 

“Eliott,” Lucas’ hand clutched at Eliott’s bicep, forcing the older boy to turn around. “I haven’t noticed what?” His voice was much softer now, but Eliott still held guard.

“Nothing,” He really didn’t want to get into it at that moment. How do you tell your boyfriend you love him, you love living with him, waking up with him every morning, but sometimes you just need to be...away from him? Have your own time? 

Eliott watched Lucas run a hand through his hair. 

“I don’t want to be Lucille.” Lucas’ voice was so quiet that Eliott had to strain to hear him. And when he finally deciphered what was said, he was struck.

“Lucille? Lucas, what are you talking about!” Eliott reached out to grasp the boys’ wrist. 

Lucas sighed and turned away. “Hey,” Eliott hand was still clutching Lucas’ wrist and he tugged the boy so they were back to front. Wrapping his arms around Lucas from behind, Eliott whispered. “What has Lucille got to do with any of this?”

Eliott felt Lucas shrug and tightened his arms around his boyfriend, waiting. 

Lucas shook his head, hair tickling Eliott’s nose. 

“Remember that thing we do when I can’t deal? We live minute by minute?”

“That’s different,” Lucas croaked out.

Eliott chuckled softly in his boyfriend’s ear. “No, it’s not.”

“Hmm,” Lucas hummed. 

“And this minute we’re going to stand here until you can talk to me,” Eliott whispered, knowing he also had secrets he needed to tell Lucas. But holding his boyfriend, feeling the boy’s chest rise under his hands, playing that familiar game they had played so many times before, it felt like maybe they could be honest with each other. More honest than they’d been in weeks. 

After a few more moments, Eliott felt Lucas start to move and turn around in his arms. 

“I don’t want to be Lucille,” Lucas said softly, his hands finding their way to rest against Eliott’s chest.  
Eliott frowned, “Lucas?”

Lucas cleared his throat. “Remember when Arthur crashed on the sofa?” Lucas was staring around Eliott and it made him nervous. 

“Yeah?” Eliott was trying to puzzle together what Lucas was talking about. _Lucille_? _Arthur_?

Lucas trailed a hand down Eliott’s chest and wrapped it around his waist. “You... _we_ hurt Lucille. And...fuck. I’m not making sense,” Lucas groaned. 

“Just tell me,” Eliott pleaded, holding tightly onto Lucas, even when his boyfriend tried to squirm away. 

“Okay, okay,” Lucas took a breath. “Are you still happy being with me?”

“What?” Out of anything that Lucas could have said, Eliott had not been expecting that. Lucas took his shock as an opportunity to free himself from Eliott’s hold.

“Are you and Lola...” Lucas added with a small voice and Eliott couldn’t help himself. He let out a laugh that bubbled up through his chest that reverberated around the room. 

He heard Lucas huff, but he couldn’t help it. What Lucas was suggesting was so absurd that it was borderline hysterically funny. 

“It’s not funny, Eliott,” Lucas suddenly found their kitchen sink fascinating. 

“How can you even ask me that?” Eliott asked, laugh subsiding. _He and Lola?_ The thought grossed him out, not because she wasn’t attractive, but because she was more of a little sister to him. She was a _buddy_. And in the short amount of time they’d known each other, he’d grown to care about her. 

“Because,” Lucas mumbled something. 

Eliott took a step forward. He was close enough to touch Lucas, but didn’t. “Because?”

“I’m scared,” Lucas remained with his back towards Eliott, “That I’m going to end up like Lucille. You have so many options, Eliott, and I can see why you’d be attracted to Lola.”

Eliott couldn’t take it anymore and grasped Lucas’ shoulder. He gently, but forcefully coaxed his boyfriend to turn and face him. “Lucas,” Eliott shook his head. “I love _you_. Okay?”

Lucas nodded wordlessly. 

“Now, what’s this about Lucille and Arthur?” Eliott was genuinely confused. 

“Umm,” Lucas was starting to retreat into himself and Eliott sighed. 

“Minute by minute, remember?” He said softly. 

Lukas cleared his throat. “You cheated on Lucille with me, and,” he paused. “I told Arthur that I’m scared you’re going to do the same to me.”

Eliott felt frozen for a second. “You talked to Arthur about this? When he stayed with us?”

Lucas nodded. 

“That was months ago, Lucas,” Eliott tried to keep any accusation out of his tone. 

“Yeah,” Lucas shrugged. “We’ve just been fighting a lot and...you disappear at night and don’t come home for hours.”

Eliott didn’t know what to say. He thought he’d made sure Lucas was either sleeping or out when he’d leave to go to an urbex party. And maybe a few times, he did lie about doing shoots for his film. His face must’ve given him away as Lucas raised an eyebrow. 

“I hear you on the phone. I feel you get into bed when you come back,” Lucas finally met Eliott’s eyes. “

“I promise you, Lucas, I’m not cheating on you,” he took a breath. This was the moment to tell Lucas. “I’ve been going to urbex parties.”

“What?” Lucas asked. 

“Yeah, they just... help me relax. I need to blow off steam sometimes. Get my head in check.” Eliott looked away. He felt stupid for hiding this from Lucas now that he was actually telling the boy. 

Lucas nodded, “Why couldn’t you tell me this?” 

Eliott shrugged, but didn’t answer the question. “I saw Lola at a party a few weeks ago. That’s what we were talking about at Daphne’s birthday.” 

“Hmm,” Lucas nodded again. “So, you’ve been partying with Lola and lying to me about it?” His tone was clipped and angry.

“No, no, no! We’re not going to do this Lucas!” Eliott tried to keep his voice even. “You are not changing the subject! You think I’d cheat on you? You think that little of _me_ , of our relationship?”

“Well, why I wouldn’t I? You just admitted that you lied to me!” Lucas yelled, his face going red. His hair was sticking up in messy tufts and if they were not in the middle of a fight, Eliott would have the urge to kiss the boy at how adorable he looked. 

Things were escalating too quickly, and Eliott wanted to stop it from getting to a point of no return. They both had obviously been keeping secrets from one another and Eliott never realized how scared Lucas was of losing him. 

Fuck, they needed to stop this. They needed to actually _talk_ , not just fight. 

Taking a deep breath, Eliott looked at Lucas, “You want to get out of here?”

Eliott could tell Lucas was ready to fight back at anything Eliott could’ve said, but this? This his boyfriend had not expected. 

“What?” Lucas exhaled loudly. 

“Yeah, let’s get out of here,” Eliott turned and grabbed his coat from where he’d tossed it on the sofa. He fought the urge to turn around and make sure Lucas was following him, but he could hear the boy moving behind him and took that as a good sign. 

Eliott opened the apartment door and made his way out of the building, Lucas’ footfalls echoing throughout the hallway. He didn’t stop walking, in fact, he purposely tried to walk faster. He knew exactly where he was going. 

“Eliott!” Lucas shouted behind him, his footsteps speeding up so he could keep up. “Eliott!”

“Almost there,” Eliott kept going. About fifteen minutes later a familiar site came into view. He reached back and beckoned for Lucas to follow him, but still didn’t turn around. 

“Eliott!” Lucas called out again. 

Eliott took the last few steps and finally turned to face his boyfriend. “Look around,” he told Lucas. He knew the boy was entrenched in anger and confusion that he probably didn’t even realize where Eliott had taken him. 

“Wha-oh,” Eliott could see it finally clicking in Lucas’ mind. 

Eliott had taken Lucas to the site where he’d painted the mural for them and their friends a few months ago. The paint was still vivid, and no one had tagged over it. Eliott felt good that other artists had respected his work.

“Eliott, why are we here?” Lucas’ voice was much softer now. 

Eliott reached out and took Lucas’ hand. “Do you want to know what I told Lola earlier?”

“What?” Lucas whispered. 

“That I can’t lose you, Lucas,” Eliott whispered. He knew they were in a moment of reverence.

“I don’t want to lose you, either,” Lucas squeezed his hand. 

Eliott nodded, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the parties.”

“I’m sorry, too.” Eliott felt relief course through him at Lucas’ words. “I know you love me. I just...it scares me sometimes that you could have anyone. Girl _or_ boy.”

Eliott shook his head. There was so much to unpack with Lucas’ thought process. “Just because I’m pan, doesn’t mean I want everyone I meet. You’re not attracted to every guy you come across.”

“No,” Lucas took a step closer. 

“And Lola...she reminds me of myself. Scared, messed up,” Eliott used his free hand to tip Lucas’ face upwards so he could really look the boy in the eyes. “Before I met you I...I tried to commit suicide, three times,” Eliott admitted. He had told Lucas a lot about his past, that he had dark thoughts and had hurt himself. But Lucas didn’t know he’d actually gone _that_ far. 

“What?” Lucas sucked in a breath. “You what?”

Eliott smiled softly, “I don’t want to think that way anymore. I have you to think of,” he swallowed thickly. “I have _us_. I don’t want to mess that up.”

“Are we still playing minute by minute?” Lucas asked, voice muffled as he pressed closely into Eliott’s shoulder. 

“If you need us to,” Eliott wrapped an arm around Lucas, coming to rest on the small of the boy’s back. 

Eliott felt Lucas nuzzle into him, “This minute...I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose you for the rest of our minutes together.”

“You won’t,” Eliott vowed. “This mural, it’s for you,” He rubbed his hand up and down Lucas’ back. 

“It’s of our friends,” Lucas sniffled, pulling back slightly. 

“Yeah, but it’s you. You’re with me in everything I create. And no one, guy or _girl_ , could ever come close to you,” Eliott promised, because it was true. Lucas subtly shaped the person he was, is, will be. 

They were quiet for a few seconds before Eliott felt Lucas shift from his arms. 

“I’m sorry,” Lucas stared at the mural. “I just...seeing Lola in our bed,” he cleared his throat. “I just...the way you acted around her. Defended her. It was like what we did to Lucille, only this time it was me on the outside.”

Eliott nodded. “I swear, Lucas, I care about Lola like she was a sister. And I know you and the guys have all tried to be nice to her, but I _know_ what she’s going through. I’ve been there. And I want to help her.”

“But why lie about it. Lie about meeting her at the video store and not a party?” Lucas asked. 

“That was dumb to do,” Eliott agreed. “Lucas, I lied about the party because sometimes I just need to go be by myself.” He saw a look of hurt flash across Lucas’ face. “It doesn’t mean I don’t love you or want to be with you. It’s just...I need space. To be me.”

“Because you can’t with me?” Lucas’ tone wasn’t meant to be accusing. 

Eliott nodded, “Honestly? Sometimes. Sometimes I just have a day where I need to think and be alone and create art. Sometimes I need to go to an urbex party and be with artists. It’s who I am. Just like sometimes you go out with the guys without me.”

“Okay,” Lucas nodded, turning to face Eliott. 

“Okay?” Eliott asked, surprised at the fact that Lucas was so calm. He was expecting a fight.

“Okay. If that’s what you need, I won’t stand in your way. Just, be safe?” Lucas shrugged. 

Eliott wrapped an arm around Lucas, pulling his boyfriend toward him. “Why don’t you come with me next time? So, you can see what it’s like.”

“If you want me to,” Lucas nodded. 

“I want you to,” Eliott leaned down and pressed his lips against Lucas’. 

They stood there for a few minutes, sharing soft kisses. Their hands finding their way easily to each other and intertwining at their side. They were lost in each other until foreign voices and footsteps interrupted them. 

Eliott pulled back first and looked over towards the entrance. Two guys and a girl were talking, and Eliott vaguely remembered seeing them at a few parties. 

“Oh!” The girl startled. “It’s you!”

“Hey Otelli!” One of the guys greeted. 

Eliott wracked his brain trying to place their names. “Hi,” he waved. 

“I’m Jo. You tagged my scooter earlier this month,” Eliott finally placed them. Lola’s friends. 

“I’m Sekou,” one of the guys held up his hand. 

“I’m Max,” the other boy introduced. 

“We heard you did something here and wanted to see it,” Jo smiled. 

“Oh, yeah,” Eliott nodded. 

“I’m Lucas,” Lucas laughed, holding up his hand. 

Eliott laughed.

“Uh, sorry to intrude,” Sekou must have noticed they were holding hands. 

“No, uh, no, it’s okay,” Eliott shrugged. “We were just about to leave.”

Jo took a step forward, “Before you go, can I get a photo with you?” 

“Sure, sure,” Eliott nodded and disentangled himself from Lucas, walking over to stand next to her. He smiled as Sekou took the photo. “Can I ask you to do me a favor?”

“Anything,” she nodded. 

Eliott smiled brightly, “Can you take a picture of me and my boyfriend?”

“Yeah. Yeah.” She took his phone excitedly. 

“Great!” Eliott walked towards Lucas and wrapped his arms around the boy from behind. 

“You,” Lucas chuckled closing his eyes for a second. 

A few minutes later, Eliott’s phone was safely tucked inside his pocket and he grasped Lucas’ hand in his as they said goodbye to the group of friends and started their way home. 

When they got outside, Eliott took his phone out again, and smiled at one of the several photos Jo had taken. There was one in particular that caught his eye and he knew he had to post it, share Lucas with the world. 

Pulling up Instagram, he glanced over at Lucas and knew exactly what the caption was going to be. 

_Toi_.


End file.
